That Can’t Happen
***Disclaimer: “You” and “we” are being used as generalized terms to refer to the people who have said/asked these things. I’m not referring to everyone.***
That’s right. Something in fiction can’t happen. Shocker! So, let’s take a look at some of the top offenders:
People (no matter if they’re paranormal) do not fall in love at first sight. AKA: Insta-Love.
Okay, so vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, elves, pixies, trolls, nymphs, etc. actually exist. Add to that, some of these guys (vampires and werewolves in particular) are not the creatures of our nightmares, but are actually as cuddly as bunnies and just want to be loved. We’ll gloss over that, because that’s completely logical.
Now, let’s throw in destined mates, chosen by fate, two parts of a whole, etc. etc. etc. Yep, that’s believable, too. In fact, we prefer it. An instant (and the more intense the better) sexual attraction is also preferred.
Love. That four-letter word is where everything starts to go wrong. So, we have two guys who were more or less born for each other. Add in that all-important protective instinct, an animal’s natural possessiveness, and you have your basic formula for insta-love.
So, what qualifies as insta-love? Funny enough, the word “love” doesn’t even have to be uttered by either lead character for it to take a seat on the list. A general, mutual caring, and pledge of monogamy—yep, that’s all it takes.
In most cases, we have a case of insta-lust. We’ve already determined that an intense instant attraction is necessary, because who wants to read eight chapters of the characters despising each other—even physically?
The storyline is illogical, not believable, and/or implausible.
Okay, so again, we’ll skip over the part where werewolves, vampires, and the like actually exist.
Magic doesn’t work that way. Uh, okay. Says who? In a world I create, with things that don’t truly exist off of those pages…magic can be whatever I want it to be.
Secret societies dedicated to the eradication of the paranormal world don’t make sense. Yep. Okay. Gotcha. And real live people don’t randomly blow up buildings because they wanted waffles for breakfast instead of pancakes. Just sayin’. We’ll also ignore the fact that the eradication of something is the basis for almost every action movie ever made.
Men don’t have babies. This goes back to the magic thing (as always we’re going to ignore that paranormal creatures don’t truly exist.) If I’m writing a contemporary story and one of the men becomes pregnant without some kind of freaky surgery…I’ll buy that. Otherwise, until I meet a vampire/werewolf/elf and he tells me differently—it works.
Gay men don’t behave that way. AKA: All gay men are “real men” and do “manly” things like watch sports, burp, and scratch their balls.
They certainly don’t talk about emotions, because they don’t have them, right? Gay men do not wear makeup, paint their nails, or act flamboyantly in any way. Because what we have here is, “A female in a not so subtle disguise.”
Okay. I’m with you so far. Except for the fact that these “women in disguise” that I write about? Yeah, they’re based (however loosely) off of real people.
So, we’ll rant and rave about equal rights and fair treatment, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, what we’re really saying is that it’s okay to be who you are—as long as it fits into what we want you to be. How progressive of us!
Seriously, it’s okay to spew belligerent epithets at a fictional character. Would you walk up to the real person the character was based on and say those same things? Not likely.
This also relates to Real Men Don’t Cry. Well, not over seemingly unimportant superficial shit, right? Uh huh. Wait until the Steelers are down by 10 with a minute left in the last quarter of the Super Bowl, and your guy has half his paycheck riding on a Steelers’ victory.
Now let’s take a look at what I find unrealistic.
“I don’t like ménage/male pregnancy/vampires/cowboys/or puppy dogs. Can you please not write those?”
Sure. No problem. Let me get right on that.
“I think (insert character) should get his own book. He needs to find love, too.”
This one is kind of a gray area. I don’t mind being asked if a certain hero will eventually star in his own story. If I have no plans to write a book for that character, it’s not going to happen—no matter how much you think it should. I appreciate that readers have their favorite series, but it’s unrealistic to think that I can or will drop everything and focus solely on that series.
“I have this great idea for a book. You should totally write it.”
No, I shouldn’t. Not only does it not work that way, but no matter if it’s on paper or not—it’s someone else’s idea.
“Maybe (insert character) can do (insert almost anything from eating a peach to dressing in women’s clothing.)
Oh, you mean the character who was in that one book that’s already been released? Why didn’t I think of that? I mean it is MY character. Let me just pull all the books from every available source and fix that right up.
“I want to know more about (insert background character equivalent to an extra in a movie). Will you write his story?”
Uh, who? And more importantly, why?
I think I’ve pretty much said it all, but to reiterate a very important piece of information here: My stories are MY work, and works of fantasy and fiction. If you can wrap your mind around unicorns and the Easter Bunny… well, you get the idea. When you make soup in the kitchen, you can put in whatever you want because you are the creator. Same concept.
Thanks to Jana for letting me rant on her blog today! I hope everyone takes this in the fun, sarcastic manner in which it was intended, because I absolutely adore my readers. Mwah!
Flawless [Haven 6] just released today! Yay!
Buy link: www.bookstrand.com/flawless
[Everlasting Classic ManLove: Erotic Alternative Paranormal Romance, M/M, werewolves, light BDSM, sex toys, HEA]
Being mauled by a werewolf and claimed in front of an audience is not the romantic experience Lynk Braddock envisioned for his mating. Strong and dominant, Kieran is everything he craves in a partner, but the man is also kind—something Lynk fears his dark past will destroy.
Kieran Delaney can see the need for surrender in Lynk’s eyes, and all he wants is to wrap him up and protect him from the world. Still, while Lynk’s submission soothes his wolf, Kieran wants a partner, not a doormat.
The race is on to find the remaining Braddock witches, and an allying coven suddenly becomes their enemy. With a vampire convinced Lynk is his mate—going so far as to bite him—The Council steps in to find the truth. Will Kieran and Lynk’s relationship crumble under the politics? Or can they prove their love is meant to last for eternity?